Canadian Mom Blogger - Product Reviews, Travel and Parenting
Individually, my boys are really good on car rides, but together…well, let’s just say there’s a reason their booster seats are as far away from one another as possible. Today we had errands to run in Regina and as we sat in the car at our first stop, they started.
Zackary mentioned something he saw outside. Benjamin yelled, “No!” at him; his current reaction when somebody is talking and he decides he wants to say something instead. I told Benjamin that if he wanted to speak, he had to wait until others were done speaking first.
That’s when it all went wrong. Zackary finished his comment about the crane across the street. He said something pleasant to his brother. And Benjamin sulkily replied with his toddler lisp, “Whatevah.” [Read more...]
I love this quote! We're all different; let's celebrate it!
My son has been obsessed with Hot Wheels cars since Santa left one in his stocking when he was 18 months old. His collection has been growing ever since and now that he’s five, we have literally hundreds of cars and other merchandise. As a result, I’ve become pretty familiar with the names of Hot Wheels cars. Some are accurate, others are descriptive, many are hilarious, but some are…well…just downright dirty! Without further ado, here are my top five picks for naughtiest Hot Wheels names of all time!
5. Nightstreaker – Slightly open to interpretation, I know, but I can’t help but think about streaking when I hear it!
4. Twang Thang – Okay, so it gets its name from its guitar theme. Yet it sounds dirty, doesn’t it?
3. Sugar Caddy – Such a clever play on words, but SO not a good concept for kids!
2. Whip Creamer – Okay, this could be completely innocent. But it just strikes me as incredibly naughty. Or do I just have a dirty mind?
1. The grand prize winner…doot, doot de doo….Strip Teaser!! – I don’t know who named this car, but clearly its target market was NOT five-year-old children!
Now I should point out that these cars are mostly vintage Hot Wheels from a slightly less politically correct day. And personally, I don’t mind these names in the slightest because they all go right over my son’s head. But one day when he hits his teens, he’s going to catch on to some of the innuendos. And that day is going to be hilarious!
I came across this picture yesterday and just had to share; it really did make me laugh out loud!
At some point in my childhood, I learned to look at certain foods with a critical, disapproving eye. Margarine was a thing to be abhorred. Miracle Whip was an odd relative of the mayonnaise I preferred. But nothing was quite so bizarre and unpleasant to me as instant mashed potatoes.
Now I don’t think my family really had anything against instant mashed potatoes, but they were never a product that we had in the house and I always felt that they were something to be sneered at. After all, making actual mashed potatoes isn’t that hard! Peel a few potatoes, boil the heck out of them for a half-hour or so, mash them up and enjoy! Why on earth would anyone want to pay extra money to make a side dish consisting of dried-out flakes of processed potato when real potatoes were so cheap and easy to prepare? Even after I had grown to adulthood, I remained determined to never use such a strange and unnecessary product.
Then I had a fun-loving, high-energy boy. And then I had another one. And then I started a blog. And the prep-time I put into dinner started to dwindle more and more. When my husband came home from grocery shopping one day with a box of instant mashed potatoes, I suddenly realized that I had virtually stopped making mashed potatoes as a side dish. Rice and pasta were just so much easier!
At that moment, I decided to throw caution to the wind and see what those little potato flakes were all about. I followed the instructions, pushed aside all my reservations and made my first-ever pot of instant mashed potatoes.
And you know what?
After going to bed at two in the morning, getting up again at seven, feeding and dressing children, packing lunches, playing games, answering emails, planning blog posts, picking people up, dropping people off, washing dishes, cleaning up toys AND making dinner for my family at the end of it all…I actually found that those instant mashed potatoes tasted pretty darn fabulous!
Even if it’s just a different food, why not try something new today? You may end up pleasantly surprised by something you were convinced would be gross!
So it was one of those precious moments that every parent loves, some quiet time sitting on the couch cuddling with my beautiful two-year-old boy while he played with my hair and touched my face. I was enjoying every minute of it when suddenly Benjamin stopped, looked up at me with a loving expression and said ever so sweetly, “Mommy, you b**ch!”
Because I want my children to always be comfortable talking to me and not feel ridiculed regardless of what they say, I have a pretty darn good poker face. But I have a feeling it flickered for just a second there.
My mind whirred like a wind-up toy. Where would my son have heard that word? I’m sure he doesn’t know what it means, does he? But where did he learn it to begin with? What is going on?!
“What was that, honey?” I asked calmly and pleasantly.
“You b**ch!” he repeated with a smile.
Now I couldn’t be sure, but he sure wasn’t saying it like it was just something he had just heard and repeated. He was saying it like he had picked it especially for the situation. I decided that I must be misunderstanding him. Sure, it was the clearest pronunciation I’ve heard from him yet…but he couldn’t be saying THAT.
“I’m rich?” I asked.
“No,” said Benji with a slight frown.
“I pinch?”
He shook his head.
“I pitch? I stitch? I flinch? I hitch? I itch?” I asked, somehow managing to hide my increasing dismay.
“No,” said Benji with deliberation. “You B**CH.”
I still kept the poker face. Just barely. And because I didn’t know what else to say, I said, “I’m sorry, baby. I don’t understand.”
We looked at each other silently for a moment, both knowing we weren’t communicating and both wondering how to proceed. Then, suddenly, Benjamin’s face lit up like a ray of sunshine in an overcast sky. “Mommy,” he said slowly and carefully, “You…bi-cess!”
In my head there was wild applause as trumpets blared a victory song. I hugged my son and said, “Oh my sweet boy! You were trying to call Mommy a prince! And how smart you were to remember the word princess instead!”
“Yes,” Benjamin said simply. He beamed his bright smile at me once more and I cuddled him close with a silent sigh of relief.
I might have a little trouble making out my toddler’s words every once in a while. In fact, I may even think that he’s saying something irrelevant or inappropriate.
Fortunately, he’s smart enough to help out his poor foolish Mom and get his point across!
Have you even noticed how sometimes the funniest statements children make are also the ones that show how brilliantly logical their minds are? I’ve had this post planned for awhile, but I wanted to get the words just right. I think I’ve got it.
My son was racing his Hot Wheels cars on the floor one day. He knows all of their names and happened to be playing with one named Asphalt Assault, which he, with typical child syntax, pronounces, “Ass-phalt Assault.” Being a boy (and car-crazy) he of course knows all about roads and their construction.
Suddenly, he stopped playing and looked up at me with a thoughtful expression. “You know what, Mom?” he announced with a slow nod. “I think that when a road starts to get a break in it…it’s called an Ass Crack!”
Okay. So he was a little off on his hypothesis.
But you have to admire the brilliance that went into making that deduction!
Do you have a hilariously ingenious moment from one of your children? I’d love to hear about it!
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