Dear Kathryn (A Letter to My Younger Self)

November 18, 2016 by Kathryn 8 Comments

Dear Kathryn,

Being young is such an odd mix of self-confidence and insecurity. On the one hand, you feel like there’s nothing in the world that you can’t accomplish. One day, you’re sure you’ll be a famous actress when you graduate. The next, you’ll be a lawyer. The day after that, you’ll be an international spy. Yet at the same time, you constantly worry about how many friends you have and what others think of you.

At thirty-five, I’m here to tell you that your life will be full of more twists and turns than you can possibly imagine. There are times you’ll be so happy that your heart can barely contain it. And there are times you’ll feel so lost and hurt that you’re not sure you can go on. The important thing, though, is that you will go on. And every time you fight through a challenge that seems insurmountable, the happiness you’ll gain afterwards will be greater than any happiness you’ve felt before.

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How to Help Your Kids Express Themselves

September 29, 2016 by Kathryn 1 Comment

As adults, we often joke about wanting to be a kid again, but the truth is it can be hard to navigate childhood. They desperately want to be older and do things that are out of their reach, and processing their feelings when we turn them down can be difficult. They have so many emotions but don’t always have the maturity to know what to do with them. You don’t have to be a therapist to help. As parents, we have can learn many ways to help kids express themselves in a positive way. Read on for more!

Take Them on a Trip

This might sound weird, but road trips can work magic for getting your child to really open up and talk. Consider taking them to see something fairly educational, like these three monuments, the Grand Canyon, or the White House. Family trips are something they will value for years to come, and the stories they create about them are even better. They’ll also be able to write about them in school and, of course, writing is another form of self-expression. If you can’t get a road trip on the calendar any time soon, simply ask them questions while you’re driving them in the car. There’s something about the lack of eye contact that allows them to feel free to say what they mean. Turn down the music! [Read more…]

Dietainment is in Every Child’s Day! Take the Pledge and Help #StopDietainment

November 13, 2015 by Kathryn 33 Comments

While driving my boys to school a few days ago, I asked them if they had any items on their Christmas wish list. Benjamin, my youngest son, told me that he wanted a Nintendo 3DS (something he’s wanted ever since his brother received one), and a Power Wheels vehicle. He described the drivable, battery-powered vehicle he was coveting and finished by looking at me earnestly and saying, “And Mom I looked at the commercial, and I felt like they wanted me to buy one!”

I couldn’t help but laugh at his description of how the advertising had affected him, but I was also a little amazed that it had made such an impact. After a few more questions, I learned that he’d seen the Power Wheels commercial four months ago when we were staying at a hotel. All these months later, he remembered it and wanted the product. If I’d ever wondered how much of an impact advertising could have on a child, Benjamin’s experience gave me an answer.

Of course, some of the messages a child sees each day are more damaging to their self-esteem and life outlook than others. And that’s why I’ve been watching my boys for the last week to learn what kind of “Dietainment” messages they see throughout the day. Unhealthy dieting messages disguised as entertainment aren’t just emotionally damaging; they can create unhealthy eating habits as well. And I had a feeling that my boys were being affected by these messages just as much as anyone else. [Read more…]

Stopping Damaged Self-Esteem in Children Means We Need to #StopDietainment

November 6, 2015 by Kathryn 33 Comments

When I was a teenager, I was absolutely in love with women’s magazines. I started out reading magazines like Seventeen, with its stories about young celebrities, makeup tips for teens and articles about getting “him” to like you. But I soon graduated to the more mature women’s magazines: Cosmopolitan, Elle and Glamour, to name a few.

While I enjoyed the fun, lightly-presented content and some of the hilarious or heartwarming articles, I have to admit that part of what appealed to me about magazines like these was their promise that with a few simple changes, I would be prettier, sexier and, of course, thinner. At 5’7” and around 155 lbs, I was certainly wasn’t fat. But I was convinced that I was huge and though I didn’t realize it at the time, magazines like the ones I was reading were only making that worse.

Back then, there was no term for the endless ads and articles promoting a thinner, prettier, “better” you. This year, Multi-Grain Cheerios started calling it Dietainment…and went on a mission to educate parents about just how damaging it can be to our children. With my first-hand experience of the destructive power of Dietainment, I couldn’t wait to join in the movement to stop Dietainment messages from reaching our children.
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Opening Up and Sharing Helps Me Build My Children’s Self Worth

March 16, 2015 by Kathryn 23 Comments

Low self-esteem is something that I understand pretty well. I went through a very awkward phase in my early teens and it wasn’t until my mid-twenties that I embraced my self-worth and became the confident woman I am today. I have to admit that when I gave birth to my two boys, I hoped that I wouldn’t have to watch them struggle through self-esteem issues the way I once had. But of course, every child has issues with confidence at some point. And because I’m all too familiar with the negative effects that low self-esteem can have on a child, it’s been my mission to help my boys realize their value in the world.

If there is one lesson I have learned that has proven to be true again and again, it’s that modelling a love of self is the best way to ensure that my boys develop the same trait as they grow up. For the most part, that’s a very simple thing to do. I don’t, as a rule, speak negatively about myself. I carry myself with self-assurance. And I show the other people in my life the same respect I am accustomed to receiving, because I want my boys to know that everyone has value.

But what I’ve found most helpful for helping my boys build confidence, especially in the case of my oldest son, is sharing stories of some of my own previous struggles, and the eventual positive results. I remember one night a few years ago when doing just that helped my son conquer some social anxiety. As I was putting six-year-old Zackary to bed, he looked at me and asked, “Mom, why don’t I have a best friend?”

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Take the Never Say Dieting Oath with Multi-Grain Cheerios and Create a #WorldWithoutDieting-Giveaway

February 24, 2014 by Kathryn 154 Comments

At 33 years old, I am outgoing, self-confident and comfortable with my appearance. But I wasn’t always that way. The high school years are a hard time for many girls and I was no exception. I obsessed over my body, convinced myself I was too fat dozens of times and tried pretty much every fad diet I came across. It was mainly a manifestation of low self-esteem that had nothing to do with my body at all, but it took me many years and a lot of mistakes to grow into the woman I am today.

While I know that raising my two boys will have its own challenges, I also know that they won’t be exposed to the pressures of dieting as badly as the average teenage girl is, and so any low self-esteem issues they have likely won’t manifest in that manner. But I also have three beautiful little nieces and the idea that they might one day go through something similar is so scary to me. After all, a recent study by Multi-Grain Cheerios of young women between 10-17 years of age found that three in five women have been on a diet, 52% of girls get their information about dieting and nutrition from family members and one in five girls under 18 is currently dieting.

teenager kathryn lavallee — Me in Grade 12, with my naturally chubby cheeks and far too little self-confidence.

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Spread Some Positivity with 50 Ways To Say You’re Awesome by Alexandra Franzen

October 26, 2013 by Kathryn 6 Comments

Recently I had the chance to listen to a talk by Drew Dudley, founder of Nuance Leadership Development Services Inc, and he was quite easily one of the most inspiring men I have ever met. The wealth of knowledge that came out of his speech was incredible but one of the key points that he returned to more than once was the importance of telling our loved ones that they are important to us.

Now, just in time for Christmas, author Alexandra Franzen has come up with a fun and creative way to do just that with her new book 50 Ways to Say You’re Awesome. This book has fifty colourful pages with messages of awesomeness on each one and a place to write a personal message on the back of each page. The best part is that the pages are perforated so that they can be removed and given to the people you care about! [Read more…]

Life Coach Caird Urquhart Shares Five Tips To Keep Your Kids Out of Her Office When They’re in Their Twenties

March 19, 2013 by Kathryn Leave a Comment

I had the pleasure of meeting life coach Caird Urquhart at a press event last October and I was very impressed by her down-to-earth approach to life, work and family. We chatted recently and she very generously agreed to share her knowledge with Mommy Kat and Kids readers through this fabulous article. We all want our children to grow up to be confident, independent adults. Here are Caird’s top five tips for making that happen!

caird urquhart photo

1. Be a mother not a friend

Too often I see parents bend over backwards to be “liked” by their children. Let’s not confuse like with love. To be a loving parent doesn’t always mean you need to be liked. I remember when I was little I had a friend whose mom would let us do whatever we wanted. We even got to draw on the walls in one room in their house. At that time I thought how lucky she was to have such a cool mom. Fast forward ten years. I ran into her one night at a then common teenage hangout and found out she was living in a home for wayward youth. That was the first time I was glad my mother hadn’t been my friend growing up. The kicker for me on this subject came more recently when I was discussing with someone whether they should buy alcohol for their 17-year-old daughter. She wanted to take something to a party she was going to. Since when did being a parent equate with dropping off little brown bags to your kids? I’m no prude but I draw the line on breaking the law as a way to win over your child’s affection. [Read more…]