Have you ever finally gotten your kids settled for the night, sat down for the first time all day, and immediately started worrying about something?
You might be thinking about the email you still need to answer, whether your child is coming down with a cold, the appointment you forgot to make, the bill that needs to be paid, or that conversation at work that didn’t go quite the way you expected.
And, in addition to the never-ending list of things to do that moms have to juggle, you might also start worrying about problems that haven’t even happened.
You already know what needs to be done. You know which kid needs to be where, what needs to get done at work and how little time you’ll have to do it all.
That’s when you might start worrying about everything that could go wrong in your busy day.
There’s always something to remember, something to plan, or someone who needs you.
You might even feel like worrying is part of being responsible. If you’re thinking about every possible problem, you could feel like you’re preparing yourself for any issues you might run into.
But, there is a difference between thinking through a real problem and carrying around a constant list of things that might go wrong.
When your mind never gets a chance to switch off, that constant worry can leave you exhausted and unable to enjoy peace in the present moment.
If you’ve been feeling like your everyday worries are starting to take over your life, keep these warning signs in mind, as well as some tips to help you let go of that mental stress.
The Shift from Useful Worry to Unhelpful Rumination
One of the most important things that a busy mom can do is to start to consider the difference between productive, problem-solving worrying and unhelpful rumination.
Useful worry can have a clear, practical purpose. It focuses on immediate, real-world problems that you can actively solve.
For example, realizing that your car is low on oil could lead to checking the dipstick or making an appointment with a mechanic.
Because you were able to take a valid, productive action, your initial worry fades away.
Unhelpful rumination is very different, and usually much more destructive.
Instead of being directed towards a clear problem with an actionable solution, it’s a worry that’s based on hypothetical situations that might not ever occur.
It might start with something as a worry about your boss being quiet. But, from there, a spiral into hypothetical situations begins.
You might start wondering if you’re about to get fired, and then start worrying about how you’re going to pay your bills.
This endless mental loop creates an illusion of control, tricking your brain into believing that obsessing over potential problems keeps you safe.
In reality, looping on catastrophic scenarios changes nothing about the future; it only steals your energy today.
Most moms don’t have a lot of free time to begin with. That’s what makes it especially frustrating when the little downtime you do have gets taken over by worrying.
When every thought feels urgent, there isn’t much room left to simply enjoy your day.
Hidden Ways Worry Steals Your Quality of Life
When you finally get the chance to relax at the end of a busy day, the last thing you likely want to do is worry about tomorrow.
You’ve put the kids to bed, tidied the house, and at last get to enjoy 20 minutes to yourself.
But, instead of watching your favorite show or reading a book, you start worrying about everything you have to accomplish tomorrow, and what could go wrong during your day.
If this becomes a habit, it’s something that can start to steal the joy out of your days, since you’re never fully present in the moment.
You might be enjoying a family dinner, or visiting with friends, but your mind can’t properly enjoy it when you’re looping through worries about next week’s workload.
In our digital age, you may look for solutions online. You might search for apps and websites to help, wondering “What is Liven?” as you try to find ways to break the cycle of worry.
Seeking help when you feel overwhelmed is always a good choice, since the toll of constant worrying can affect your body as well as your brain.
Your body responds to imagined problems the same way it does to actual ones, which means that excessive worry could leave you with tight muscles, shallow breathing, digestion issues, and, eventually, deep physical fatigue.
You may also end up in a situation where the constant stress in your mind starts to give you decision paralysis, a state of feeling unable to make choices because you’re scared about making a wrong decision.
Everyday Habits That Keep Worry Alive
Unhelpful worrying doesn’t usually just happen. Instead, it’s something that develops over time as a result of other unhelpful daily behaviors.
For example, constantly seeking reassurance when you’re dealing with an issue can actually lead to increased anxiety over time.
When a stressful thought pops up, you might find yourself asking your partner for validation, or spending hours searching online for answers.
While receiving some type of reassurance brings temporary relief, it also reinforces the dangerous idea that you can’t handle uncertainty on your own.
Sometimes, avoiding situations can cause the same issues. You might start to avoid worrying by skipping family get-togethers, delaying important phone calls, or turning down invitations.
You might think that you’re avoiding worry by doing this, since you’re avoiding unexpected situations.
The reality is that this type of avoidance can make it harder to handle the discomfort that you’ll have to face when you’re in a new situation or environment.
Finally, and perhaps most commonly for a busy mom, trying to stay perpetually busy can lead to unhelpful worry, as well.
When you’re an overworked mom, staying busy can feel unavoidable. There are always dishes, laundry, work, errands, appointments, and family responsibilities waiting for you.
But, if you keep yourself moving from the moment you wake up until the moment you fall into bed, you may not notice how overwhelmed you actually feel.
Then, the moment you finally stop, all those thoughts you’ve been pushing aside come rushing back, leaving you unable to relax and decompress.
In every case, unhelpful worry can start to take over when we finally slow down. By avoiding temporary discomfort, we end up creating more long-lasting issues when we’re faced with potential problems.
Practical Steps to Reclaim Your Peace of Mind
Worry is exhausting, but that doesn’t mean you have to just resign yourself to dealing with an overactive mind.
Some simple habits can help ensure that you handle those moments of worry in a positive and productive way.
Here are a few ideas to start with:
Stop Treating Every Thought Like a To-Do List
Moms are often very good at turning thoughts into tasks, but that can often get overwhelming.
You might remember you need to make a dentist appointment for your child, check their permission forms for an upcoming field trip, or order more school supplies.
Every one of those thoughts might need some action, but that doesn’t mean they’re things that need to be dealt with immediately.
Instead, start a list on your phone, or even just on a piece of paper, and write down those tasks when they pop into your head.
As soon as you do, put them out of your mind, so that you don’t keep an ongoing list of things to do running through your mind.
This can be particularly helpful at bedtime. If your brain suddenly remembers things you need to do tomorrow, write them down and remind yourself that you’ll deal with them when you wake up.
Give Yourself Permission to Not Know
A lot of worry comes from wanting certainty in life.
You want to know that your kids will be okay. You want to know that work will go well. You want to know that you made a good decision, and that nothing unexpected is waiting around the corner.
Unfortunately, life doesn’t offer that kind of guarantee.
You can plan carefully and still have things go wrong. You can make a good decision and still wonder if another choice would have been even better. You can do everything you’re supposed to do and still have a stressful day.
One of the best things you can do for your mental health is to accept that life is never going to be certain.
When you accept that, you can handle unexpected problems with less stress, knowing that uncertainty is a part of life.
Actually Take a Break
For many busy moms, taking a break can feel strangely uncomfortable, since there’s almost always something you need to do.
You should remember that you don’t have to earn rest by finishing everything on a never-ending to-do list. If you did, you may never get a break at all.
Rest isn’t a reward for being productive enough. It’s an essential human need that you should prioritize when you feel yourself getting overwhelmed.
And, sometimes taking care of yourself means doing something that has absolutely no practical purpose.
Watch something funny. Read a chapter or two of a good book. Call a friend. Sit outside with a cup of tea and the smell of nature. Go to bed early. Let the laundry wait.
When you feel like you’re being overwhelmed by problems that you can’t solve, a little self-care can help you feel stronger and more capable of handling issues that you might need to deal with.
Most importantly, if you feel yourself getting completely overwhelmed, try a simple grounding technique to trick your body out of its “fight or flight” response.
A popular option is the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise. Find five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.
Grounding your senses immediately signals safety to your nervous system and helps your body relax.
The biggest sign that everyday worry has become an issue is if you expect that worry to help guarantee you safety in the future.
That’s not the way life works, and it’s important to recognize and accept the challenges that life might bring to you.
When you stop treating every anxious thought as an urgent reality, you free up your energy so that you can enjoy joy, connection, and meaningful experiences.