Emotions shape our lives. They influence how we see the world, how we connect with others, and how we heal.
But, what happens when our emotions are ignored, dismissed, or silenced?
It may seem unimportant. But, for both children and adults, having their emotions ignored can lead to feelings of pain, shame, and loneliness.
That’s why emotional validation is so important. It helps us feel supported, heard, and able to move through difficult times.
Come learn more about what exactly emotional validation is, how it supports mental health, and how we can provide it to ourselves and to others.
What Is Emotional Validation?
Some people struggle with understanding emotional validation. They may think that it means simply agreeing with whatever another person says, without question.
But, emotional validation simply means recognizing and accepting someone’s feelings without judgment.
It doesn’t mean you have to agree or fix the situation. It simply means recognizing another person’s feelings are real, and they matter.
When people feel seen and heard emotionally, they feel safe. And safety is the foundation of emotional health.
Studies have also shown that emotional validation is a key part of teaching kids to regulate emotions and build a strong sense of self-worth.
Why Emotional Validation Matters
At some time in their lives, most people have heard comments like, “You’re overreacting,” “It’s not a big deal,” or “Other people have it even worse.”
While these may seem like harmless comments, or perhaps even a way of making someone feel better about a hard situation, they actually shut people down.
They send the message that the emotions you’re experiencing aren’t worth recognizing.
This can lead to:
- Low Self-Esteem: You begin to question your own feelings.
- Emotional Suppression: You try to hide your emotions, leading to anxiety or depression.
- Trouble with Trust: You feel disconnected from others, and unwilling to trust them with your thoughts.
On the other hand, when we validate someone’s emotions, we give them the security they need to be able to feel connected to others and grow emotionally.
The Science Behind Emotional Validation
Validating another person’s feelings isn’t just a way to be kind. It provides proven benefits to mental health, including the following:
1. It Reduces Emotional Distress
Some studies have shown that people who received emotional validation feel calmer and more in control, even during stressful situations.
2. It Strengthens Relationships
Validation builds trust. When people feel safe expressing emotions, they connect more deeply with others. This leads to healthier friendships, romantic partnerships, and family bonds.
3. It Boosts Mental Resilience
When emotions are accepted, the brain doesn’t have to fight them. This allows for better emotional regulation, clearer thinking, and quicker recovery from stress or trauma.
Common Ways People Invalidate Emotions
Most people don’t mean to invalidate others. It’s something that can happen accidentally.
Here are some common examples of ways you may be invalidating the feelings of your children, or other people in your life:
- Minimizing: “It’s not a big deal.”
- Comparing: “At least you’re not dealing with what I am.”
- Problem Solving: “You should just do this instead.”
- Blaming: “Well, that’s your fault.”
These responses, though they may be well-intended, make others feel judged or silenced.
How to Support Others and Validate Emotions Properly
So, knowing the importance of emotional validation, how do you put it into practice, to support your loved ones?
Here are some tips on how to practice emotional validation during conversations:
1. Listen Fully
Put down your phone. Make eye contact. Let the person talk without interrupting. Paying attention shows you value and care about their thoughts.
2. Reflect What You Hear
Use simple phrases to show you understand. This could include phrases like, “That sounds really painful,” “I can see why you feel that way,” or “It makes sense that you’re upset.”
3. Avoid Offering Solutions Right Away
Sometimes people just want to feel heard, not be bombarded with advice. Wait before offering any potential solutions.
4. Acknowledge the Emotion
Name the feeling if possible. For example, “You sound really frustrated,” or “It seems like you’re feeling hurt.” Naming emotions helps bring clarity and calm.
Practicing Emotional Validation in Real Life
If you’re wondering how to practice emotional validation in your day-to-day life, here are a few real-world examples:
- A friend says, “I’m just so tired of pretending I’m okay.” You might reply: “That sounds exhausting. You don’t have to pretend with me.”
- Your child starts crying after school. Instead of saying “Stop crying,” try, “Looks like you had a hard day. Do you want to talk about it?”
- You feel anxious about an upcoming event. Instead of pushing it away, tell yourself, “It’s okay to feel nervous. I care about this, and that’s why I’m feeling this way.”
Try Self-Validation
Emotional validation doesn’t have to be something that other people provide to us.
One of the best ways to learn how to validate your child’s emotions is to learn how to validate yourself.
The next time you’re feeling stressed or overwhelmed, try this three-step validation exercise:
- Notice: Pause and ask, “What am I feeling right now?”
- Name: Identify the emotion, whether it’s anger, sadness, fear, or something else.
- Normalize: Remind yourself, “It’s okay to feel this. My feelings are valid.”
This simple act builds emotional awareness and can help you feel better able to handle unpleasant feelings.
When Validation Is Missing in Childhood
Many adults struggle with self-worth because they grew up in homes where emotions were ignored or punished.
Children who don’t receive emotional validation often grow up with issues that may include:
- Struggles with trust and intimacy
- Feeling confused about their emotions
- Developing perfectionism or people-pleasing habits
The good news is that we can help empower our children by ensuring we give them the emotional validation they need.
And, by practicing self-validation, we can help build our own confidence and emotional maturity.
Emotional validation is a simple, yet powerful way to help ensure your children and other important people in your life feel seen and understood.
Your emotions matter, as do the emotions of those around you.
When we validate those emotions, we help ensure that our loved ones can feel safe and secure expressing themselves, helping to ensure a lifetime of better mental health.